Thankful For Small Moments

It's been a rough fall this year with many new demands at school.  Not only has it been taking so much of my time to accomplish so little with my students but it has taken away from spending quantity time with my loved ones.  I've begun to set the retirement clock in my head and am actually wondering if I can hang on until my goal date.  Truth be told, I love teaching and I love working with my students.  I consider my students my own children for the year.  However, this year, the joy that I once felt seems to be gone.  Too many demands on teachers' time that have nothing to do with actually teaching.  These demands are more hoops for us to jump through because someone is saying jump!  They do not make me a better teacher, nor do they help my students.

One thing that I can be though is a good daughter to my mom.  Three weeks ago, we were blessed with the most exciting news parents can receive.  Our oldest son asked his girlfriend of six years to marry him.   It made my heart so happy.  We think she is wonderful for him and we love her already as our own.  I took this exciting news with me to visit my mom.  I shared it with the nurses and the aides.  I wanted to tell everyone I saw.

As I sat down with my mom, I knew I was going to tell her.  However, I never expected her to actually have a small conversation with me about it.  Her words were few but they definitely meant she understood.....at least for that moment!  She put her head on my forehead and smiled.  She also let me put my head on her shoulder.  I took a short video of us and I will treasure it for the rest of my days....

There are days when she doesn't want me to touch her or hug her.  This was a good day where she welcomed my hugs and she actually seemed to 'mother' me back!  I will take any moment I can with my mom.

Two Posts in October is Sad but the Story of my Chaotic Life Right Now

I bought a pomegranate.  Yes, I bought a pomegranate.  I was in the store and walked by the display.  My first thoughts were of my mom.  My mom would always buy me a pomegranate.  When I was a little girl, spending money on one was a very big deal. Long before they were considered healthy, they were a huge treat for me.  I would spend hours pulling it apart to suck on the little seeds inside.  Everything I touched would turn red!  I bought a pomegranate because my mother can no longer buy one for me!

The month of October was not a great month for me.  Between dealing with a questionable rash my mom developed  and ultimately a change of doctors for her, I also had to deal with added stresses at work causing a tremendous amount of changes.

Ironically I do not like change.  However, my mom has been changing before my eyes every day I visit.  Gone is the vibrant, smiling, dancing, woman I called my mom. Every once in a while she will give me a smile but it is like with a baby.  I don't know if she is smiling at me, because of me, or smiling due to other reasons.

November is now upon us and winter is around the corner.  Pomegranates are in season.  Just looking at my pomegranate brings back all of my wonderful memories of my mom buying them for me.  How lucky was I that my mom would spend so much money on one for me every November.

I bought a pomegranate.  I am not sure if I will cut it and eat it. I might just look at it.