After our son got married and summer's end loomed, I noticed my mom needed clothes in a smaller sizes. I couldn't remember her ever wearing mediums for probably at least 25 years, but she was slowly shrinking. My mom deserved pretty, stain free, clothing , so I ordered her a whole new wardrobe. When I visit her, I love seeing her dressed in her new outfits. My mom would be so happy to have new clothes because she was always buying herself new things.
Sometime last summer I wrote about how feeding her was a difficult change for me but, I have started feeling better about feeding her when I am there at meal time. I have started feeling more comfortable just holding her hand while we sit together and I tell her all about the things going on in my life. For many reasons my mom was not a touchy, huggy, person.
As we end 2019, I’ve been witnessing a continued decline in her weight again. Last week, as her wonderful hospice caregiver bathed and dressed her, I was witnessed first hand how tiny she is now. 25 years ago she and I would have been thrilled if either of us was able to wear smalls. The first thing I did when I went home was order her a new wardrobe again, this time in size small. However, when the box arrived, it made me cry. It sits near the washer for me to wash and bring to the her. I asked her caregiver to just give me the word, and I will bring them and swap out the mediums for the smalls.
I have been thinking lately that she is so small and tiny now that I could probably pick her up and hold her like she used to pick me up and hold me. When I thought of it, I remembered a book my children had when they were little. How true the words in this book really are. Instead of feeling sad though, right now I feel very lucky. I am lucky to be able to be here for my mom. I will hold her hand, feed her her dinner, and I will stay strong enough to pick her up if she needs me. Afterall, she is going to love me forever. I am going to love her forever too!
