She's Floating Gracefully Like a Leaf

The 2018/2019 school year has finally ended for me and I am finally settling into a stress free summer vacation mode. I believe my blood pressure has returned to normal. I am hoping it will last at least until it is time to pack for Maine and for my oldest son's wedding!  If you've been reading my infrequent posts you know that what was going on in my work life was keeping me from the writing that is helping me to get through this Alzheimer's world I am living.

Yesterday I had a Care Plan Meeting at the nursing home for my mom.  These meetings are held every three months and I have faithfully been present at each meeting.  My hope is that I continue to be able to attend them because they are important for knowing how my mom is doing when I am not there daily to see her.  Again, I was told she is declining slowly.  Last time the wonderful nursing supervisor equated it to a graceful decline.  I picture in my mind an almost floating decline, as if a leaf was falling from a very tall tree and slowly swaying side to side as it gently falls to earth. My mom is that leaf.  The leaf that has lived on that tree and is not letting go of the tree. I am betting that the leaf was happy when it was on the tree and green but as it faded and became brittle, it was happiest knowing it had served its purpose and could return to the earth from which it came. 

Crocheting with my mom, like we used to do during the summer!

My mom is happy.  Anyone who knows my mom and is worried, my mom is happy!

The most important thing to me is knowing my mom is happy. For so many years after my dad passed, I know my mom was not happy. I don't know if it was the Alzheimer's starting to cause her brain to feel unhappiness or if it was the depression after my dad passed, but I know she struggled.  Oh, she had fun times to enjoy and she did have some great trips and adventures but I know she missed my dad more than anything in the whole world.  Right now, she is not struggling.  She is not fighting it anymore.  My mom no longer asks to go home and when she does, I wonder if she means home to her final home with my dad or to her physical house she remembers.  Even that, who knows what house she remembers.  

I recently read a post on Face book about living in the moment because if you do not, you miss life's greatest appointments.  I am not sure my mom ever got to live in the moment without worry until now.  At first when I sat down to write today, I worried about how I was going to focus on a blog post topic.  I am pretty sure I have found it.  My biggest message today is to live in the moment.  Look forward to the future but don't miss the present time.  I am hoping to get my writing mojo back now.  I recently stumbled upon a ton of old pictures and I want to document them and my memories of my mom and of my life for my grand kids.  As I organize them, I will leave you with this....

Although sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks, they are not always sad.  As I sat with my daughter and grand kids Monday and drank iced coffee and watched the kids play, I remembered doing this with my own mom.  We would sit by her pool, work on crafts, drink coffee, and watch HER grand kids play.  There are many memories that are happy and make me smile when they enter my mind.  The important thing is to keep making memories. However, we cannot just keep them for ourselves or they will not serve any purpose.  Share those memories.  Share them with people who can then make them their own.  

"Don't be sad because it is over. Smile because it happened."  Dr. Seuss