Mirror, Mirror, On The Car?

One thing I did learn really quickly about Alzheimer's is that a person who develops AD, will develop a problem with their vision regarding spatial understanding.  By the time my mom was diagnosed, I began going to her house more often to check on her. Remember, my mom was young when the disease presented itself in ways that made us realize she needed to see her doctor.  So even after she was first diagnosed, she didn't immediately quit working or stop driving.

The first side mirror I had repaired on my mom's car was in 2007.  I remember going out to the garage to put the trash out and saw her mirror hanging from the wires.  When I called her out to see, she had no idea how that happened and truly thought it just fell off.  Luckily our great auto mechanic at that time sent me to a really wonderful body shop guy who was able to repair the mirror easily and reattached it with minimal cost.

About six months after the first mirror issue, my mom called to tell me someone hit her mirror in the parking lot at her job. I immediately went to her house to check on it and discovered that the passenger side mirror was gone.  Well, gone from her car.  It was, however, in her garage and it was obvious to me she had hit the side of the garage door pulling in or backing out.  I gathered the mirror and headed back to my new friend at the auto body shop.  He was not able to salvage the mirror this time but he did find me one from a junk yard that he was able to paint and reattach.  His own grandmother suffered from the same disease so he was very kind and encouraging to me.  He asked me to watch for other signs such as tire issues or checking for scratches and dents.  I went back to my mom's house and noticed that she had run the car into the back shelves in the garage.

Through much research and many actual real events with my mom, I can tell you I found out that you do not want to ever argue with someone who has AD..  They have not ability to understand if their mind is made up.  As far as my mom was concerned, someone else hit the mirror (though there was a dent in the garage wall and it was on her floor).  Someone else ran the car into the shelves, though the shelf unit was dented and things were astray on the floor and there were scratches on her front grill grate.  And eventually some one else flattened her tire and drove it on its rim to the bowling alley.

I remember that the extra work it meant for me those days was not what crossed my mind.  Sad, it wasn't even the fact I knew my mom could get hurt.  I was most concerned and worried that my mom was going to hurt someone else. Knowing if she could no longer drive I would have to drive her everywhere, I still had to find a way to keep her from driving for her own good and the safety of others. Remember, I promised my dad I would always take care of her. This would not be an easy task to undertake.

The Love of Her Life

I have read many books over the years and seen quite a few movies.  Love stories have always intriqued me.  Going through millions of pictures recently made me realize something.  My parents were a living love story right under my nose and I really didn't see it clearly until now. There were many stories my mom told me about my dad before my mom's mind became 'fuzzy' from AD.  One thing

My mom and dad probably around 1963

though she always said was that she didn't know what would have happened to her if it wasn't for three people in her life.  The first was her grandfather, the second were her aunt and uncle on 'the farm', and the third and most important was my dad, Jack.  My mom told me bits and pieces over the years about her childhood or as I refer to it the childhood she never had.  Her mom died when she was nine years old. That would be hard enough for any

child to deal with but she had to endure a few years of hard times with her own father after that. Infact, years that no child should have to deal with.  Needless to say, my mom never spoke highly of her father.....enough said about that topic!!!

Fortunately, her grandfather stepped in to help. After seeing the life my mom was living with her father, my aunt and uncle stepped in and took my mom in to live with them when she was 12 1/2.  Oh the stories she told me about her Aunt Ann and Uncle Joe.  I will be forever grateful for them and as I eventually share some of what she has told me about her teenage years, you will see why.

I am not quite sure when my mom met my dad, but I do know she was engaged to someone else at the time. Her yearbook tells a story of how popular she was. If it wasn't for her aunt and uncle, I am betting she would not have had the high school years she did and perhaps she may not have even graduated from high school.

After I had to move my mom into the Alzheimer's facility where she now resides, I found letters my mom kept from correspondence with my dad. On October 24, 1959 my mom and dad were married.  There was no big wedding.  They were married in the rectory and then went out for breakfast. My mom had been raised Catholic and it was something Aunt Ann believed in. The priest had my dad sign a paper that would say that any children would be raised Catholic.  He signed it but never went to church himself. When I later married in the Lutheran Church, Aunt Ann didn't want to acknowledge my marriage for quite a while. After my mom and dad married, my mom had a family that she treasured and whom treasured her. She truly became a Hogan when she married into the family and to this day she remains a Hogan.

My dad passed away from lung cancer on March 5, 1992.  He took my mom's heart with him that day. She and I took care of my dad at home with the help of hospice.  The day that he passed, the hospice nurse was with my mom and explained that he needed her to tell him it was ok to go 'home'. The moment my mom told my dad that it was ok, he took his last breath on earth. I promised my dad the night before that I would always take care of her and to this day I have kept and will keep my promise.

I am not a medical professional.  I have read a lot about Alzheimer's.  I truly believe that her broken heart contributed to the early development of this terrible disease that she would later be diagnosed with. Throughtout the years after my dad passed, my mom never dated.  She said that my father would roll over in his grave if she did!  It makes me laugh when I hear the stories about my mom finding 'friends' at her facility of the male persuasion.

Just the other night I received a phone call from her nurse around 10:00PM.  She was just reporting to me that my mom fell off the edge of a recliner, as she tried to sit with a gentleman.  She was not hurt thankfully.  Some people may find that upsetting, but I found it to be funny.  I know my mom's heart belongs to my dad and always will. For now, I just want her to be happy and I hope to always have the love for my husband that she had for hers. I am sure my dad isn't 'rolling' over in his grave.  I am betting he is smiling down keeping an eye on my mom!

From Gameboys to Slot Machines!

I have read a lot of information published regarding how to keep your mind active to avoid dementia type illnesses.  There is a plethora of information available in mainstream media telling people to make sure to use your brain because it is a muscle that needs to be exercised.  Well, I am a bit confused on that topic and although I will continue to read and research for my own benefit and for my children's benefit, I can tell you, my mom exercised her brain constantly and it did no good.  She loved puzzles and always seemed to have a puzzle book or a jigsaw puzzle out on the dining room table.  My mom loved reading and belonged to several book clubs through the mail.

My mom in July 1991 in Wilkes-Barre playing her game boy!

During the '80's, when my children were born, video games became the rage! My mom jumped on the bandwagon and joined my oldest son by getting her own game boy and her own Nintendo! She had many hand held poker games too over the years, but her greatest love of all were slot machines!  My mom loved playing slot machines!

My mom traveled quite a bit with my dad, when he had to work in different countries.  After breakfast she would go out into a strange city armed with a map and her pocketbook to find slot machines! She told me stories about how she found a small village in Ireland once and there was a slot machine in a pub.  While my dad enjoyed the tasting of Irish Whiskey's, my mom played the machine.  Another time she went with my dad to Hong Kong.  While my dad was off working, she asked a local person where she could find slot machines.  Little did she know that she would be boarding a ferry to take her to a different country!  Boy was my dad angry when he came back from work to find my mom had gone all by herself to Macau! In my family, we have heard about this little escapade millions of times over the past years.

When my dad passed away in 1992, my mom was fortunate enough to find friends that traveled with her. "Ma" went to Vegas and Atlantic City.  She traveled with her Nationals team for bowling every year. Her favorite though was Foxwoods also opened in 1992. My mom started taking trips to Foxwoods to play slot machines. Recently I returned from a few days away with my husband. We usually travel to Foxwoods a couple of times a year to get away and enjoy a mini-vacation. We have learned the ins and outs of where to stay, where to eat, and how to actually save money while we are there.  I've even become pretty good at utilizing the concierge at Fox Tower to get me comps and upgrades even though we spend minimal amounts of money.

This time while there, it "hit" me as I was in a casino very late in the evening one night.  My mom loved going there and playing those machines.  She loved to go back to her room to get a snack or a drink and then go back to her machines. This time the trip was a bit sentimental for me. My mom loved the shops and she would have become one of their best outlet shoppers!  She isn't going to be able to go to Foxwoods again. But, I surely know she enjoyed the times she traveled and found slot machines.  She may not remember all of her stories about her trip to Macau or the slots she found in that tiny village in Ireland but I do. I will go visit her tomorrow and I will tell her all about my trip. I doubt she will even understand.

What I do know now is that while I cringed at hearing her Macau story over and over, I would give anything to hear it again from her.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

There is a saying that we all learn when we are little.  April showers bring May flowers.  This is how we explain why springtime in April is often rainy. Flowers tend to start to grow and bloom in May because of the good rain they receive in April.

Here is my mom weeding her tulips outside our house in PA.  I am with her of course because where else would I be!  It has always been my mom and me through everything!

Today as I was on the treadmill at the gym looking out the window at the dreary, gray day and the pouring rain, it seemed to make sense to me. I don't want to get all philosophical or metaphorical, but I am going to do so. What happens when the rain finally stops and the sun comes out? We feel (or most people feel) a sense of gratitude for the sun.  We see how beautiful nature is around us.  We no longer have wet, dirty shoes or coats hanging in our hallways. We have a sense of happiness that we didn't have when it was dreary and raining. It's like trading a bad day for a good day. We see everything around us with clear eyes and happiness in our hearts.

As my summer vacation draws to a close and I am getting ready to go back to work, I realize that if I didn't have to end all of the fun and games, I would never really truly appreciate the time off next summer. Thinking about our recent beach vacation, we had a blast!  Everyone seemed to get along.  It seemed like no one really went off much on their own and if anyone did, they returned to the whole family group with the appearance of being glad they were back in the fold.  When looking back at pictures I see family members constantly moving around to visit with everyone else. No one was secluded. If we spent months on vacation together, we would eventually begin to scatter about and the level of closeness would dwindle.  We now have beautiful memories to savor until next summer.  Of course in my mind as I worry about developing the same disease as my mom, I am hoping that my family will have these memories of me if I can't remember them myself.

I realized, as I looked out the window today, that if I never went through all of the times I had to deal with helping my mom navigate through the steps of Alzheimer's, I would not really have appreciated her as I do now.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my mom.  However, I almost broke a promise to my dad and stopped being here for her.  There were times I felt like she was a burden for me and that I shouldn't have made that promise.  It has been really hard over the years. The last time I spoke with my dad, as he was dying from lung cancer, I promised him that I would always take care of my mother.  These words seemed to calm his agitated body and he was able to smile at me one last time though he could not speak.

When I look back on my life, it was the gray, dreary times that have made me a better person, daughter, wife, and mother.  I've been through a lot with my mom. As I tell these stories you will realize it too.  Today though, as crazy as it sounds, I feel like without going through these things, I wouldn't be the person I am today and I wouldn't be enjoying the sunny days when they occur.

I wish this journey on no one and I pray for a cure for this horrible disease.  For now, I have to play the cards I was dealt and deal with it.  I can only hope to help someone else if they have to join me on this journey.

The Circle Of Life is Not Just For the Lion King

Yesterday my daughter came to visit with her children after I returned from visiting my mom.  As we sat at my kitchen table, we looked through old pictures. We had a great time and I was so happy to have them come over. There were Lego's, Play doh, and songs via Alexa.  We had cheese and crackers and juice. This reminded me that I did this many many times at my mom's kitchen table over the years.  I remember having to break up my day with my little ones, so I would go to my mom's for awhile.

Then it hit me!  This is the circle of life in real life.  As I looked at my grandchildren I tried to make sure to love every second they were here and ever second my daughter was here.  After all, what is more important than family.  This is how we make memories.  All of the times I spent at my mom's house visiting with her were now just replaying at my house.....one big circle.....but then I was reminded of a trip to NYC in 2000.

If you knew my mom before AD then you know that she was the sweetest and most loving person.  She adored her grandchildren and other than still missing my dad tremendously, she was happy.  In July of 2000, something really started to change but it was a slow change that takes hindsight now to realize there were signals something was amiss.  For Mother's Day, my sister in law and I purchased tickets to take a day trip to NYC with our moms and our daughters to see "The Lion King" on Broadway!  After the tickets were purchased we discovered that both of our daughters were going to be away at a field hockey camp.  I took my youngest son instead and my sister in law took her husband.  However, we still took our moms!

My youngest son was going to be entering 6th grade in the fall.  My mom spent a lot of time with her grandchildren.  She most recently had spent a whole week with us all on a cruise to Bermuda and shared her cabin with my youngest son. She spoiled them and they adored her! This should have been a great trip for all of us.

The bus ride turned into a bit of a parental nightmare as I recall.  It was like driving with two siblings, of the same age, fighting in the back seat. As we started the trip, my mom and my son sat together. About half way to NYC they began to bicker.  It continued until my mom insisted that my son was being mean to her.

I had to separate them on the bus. At one point both of them were crying!  I believe they both stopped their shenanigans outside of NYC, but it set the tone for the day!  I remember eating at an Olive Garden in Times Square. We made sure the two of them were separated there too!

In hindsight, as I tell this story, it brings to light that this may have been the pivotal moment where things started to really fall apart. There had been some money red flags prior to this, but nothing of this magnitude that involved my mom feeling my son was being mean to her.  When a person has developed Alzheimer's, they often go through a phase thinking that everyone is out to get them, steal from them, etc. Through research, learned that it is often the people they are closest to that the patient "thinks" is causing them harm of some sort. Pay attention to your loved ones if this starts to happen and they begin to act out of character.  It isn't the person actually as you think it might be, it is the disease itself.  My mom would be devastated to realize she acted like this with her grandson. That's the thing!  She never realized it......and I am thankful for that.

Seeing My Mom Through Different Eyes

If you have to embark on this journey, you really need to educate yourself on this horrible disease and read as much as possible. There are many books out there and a lot of information.  I started at www.Alz.org.  I spent many many hours early in the morning and late at night reading everything I could find on this website, long before my mom was officially diagnosed, as well as after. There is a plethora of good information and contacts to be found.

I also discovered that many people had their own stories to tell. It amazed me that many stories had similarities, yet at the same time many differences. Given my love for country music, I was intrigued when Brad Paisley's wife, Kimberly Williams-Paisley wrote a book about her journey as an Alzheimer's daughter. AD knows nothing about if you have famous children or if you are someone with money or with none.  It touches so many people every single day.  I pre-ordered Kimberly's book and found it to be very inspiring to me.  I would like to encourage you to read her book.  

I contacted her regarding being allowed to use her book on my blog. At first I was so excited when she responded to my request.  I guess I was a little 'star struck'. In fact, I used to tell my husband all about Brad Paisley's newest songs, etc.  Now I tell him about Kimberly instead. Much of the book resonated with me as a daughter. She claims that losing her mother actually helped her to find her again.  I feel exactly the same. There was a time when I thought I was losing my mom and that I would never have her again.  I now look at her with different eyes! Alzheimer's slowly takes your loved one.  It feels like you are losing them over and over but very slowly.

I have found my mom again.  I found her yesterday when she laughed at something I said.  I found her again yesterday when she smiled as I sat down and she saw me.  I found her again when I was just sitting with her and she was napping. I have found her again as I look through tons of old pictures! 

I'll Have The Chicken And Marshmallows!

I have found myself very fortunate to have married into a family that took my mom under their wing after my father passed away in 1992.  My mom was always included in all of my husband's family gatherings.  She even came on a cruise we all took for my in-laws 50th Anniversary!  (More on that one day.)

One of the 'red flags' that I started to question regarding my mom and a possible dementia issue came on the night of her surprise birthday on 5/28/2005.  My mom was turning 65 on June 1st. We went to Il Forno's in Fitchburg and my mom seemed to struggle with the menu.  My mom frequently went out to eat, so I thought it a bit odd that she needed help with the menu.  When she finally decided what she wanted to order, she chose a chicken dish.  I remember it was called Chicken Scarprello. The dish had peppers, onions, and mushrooms.  My mom kept saying that the mushrooms were called marshmallows.  If someone asked her what she had, she would respond with chicken and marshmallows. Now I know everyone can mix up a word here or there, but she consistently called the mushrooms marshmallows which made me put that together, along with some other behaviors, and I started to wonder.

Things after that evening started to happen here and there and began my questioning what was going on with her. However, whenever I voiced any concerns to people around me, I was told that I was reading more into something than I needed to.  In my heart I really knew something was amiss.

I had no education in dementia.  After this night, I began to research as much as I could about dementia issues and what can cause them. Of course I was constantly hoping that if my mom had a dementia issue, that it was caused maybe by something easily fixed such as an increase in vitamin B12 or perhaps a surgery.  I traced her history with anti-depressants and her behaviors after my father's early death in 1992. I didn't want my mom to have Alzheimer's, I wanted a doctor to find the problem and fix it so my mom could go back to being the mom that I knew from my past.

I will forever be grateful to my husband's family for everything over the years they have done for my mom. After all, my mom and I only had each other for family here. The rest of our family lived far away. The evening was fun.  We bought a cake and presents and had a great time!  My mom, as you can see, was very happy!  It makes my heart happy to see these pictures of my mom smiling and laughing because as her disease progressed it didn't often happen.

After this evening, my mom and I discussed the word loss over a coffee while we were crafting on her back porch.  She was also a bit worried herself. I asked her if I could go with her to the doctor and she said yes.  From that moment on, I was by her side at almost every doctor's appointment.  I guess you could say our Alzheimer's journey started in June of 2005.  Of course, in hindsight, it began earlier but officially it began, at Dr. Kelley's office in June of 2005.

Where I Get My Crafting Mojo!

For as long as I can remember, my mom made everything she could for us.  Not only did she cook from scratch, but she sewed all of my clothes when I was little.  She made all of our curtains and bedspreads.  My mom would stay up late at night to make doll clothes and other items for me for Christmas. She used to sew them or knit them! This picture was from October 1969 taken in our house in Baldwinville, Massachusetts.  Her record player can be seen over her right shoulder. In my quest to be just like my mom, I received my very first sewing machine in December of 1969.  I am 8 years old here. Try as I might, I never could master sewing like my mom! Of course all of her sewing caused her to have Carpal Tunnel issues and subsequent surgies over the years in both wrists.  I never heard her complain though that the sewing and crafting was not worth it.

With AD, one can look backwards and pinpoint some flags that maybe were signs that something was amiss. When my mom could not longer thread her sewing machine, have the patience to sew her plastic canvas crafts, or follow her crochet patterns, it may have been the disease starting to appear.  Easy to say now but as I think back I wonder. She and I used to sit for hours and either crochet, knit, or make plastic canvas projects.  When she no longer could do that, I really started to think something was not quite right but having had no experience with AD at that time, I thought that it was just a phase.

At the time of my First Communion, I was less than happy that my mom made my dress AND my coat! We didn't have the money to buy new items and sewing was much cheaper.

Today I realize how much love she had for me to make these for me so that I would have beautiful clothes.  I hope she knows how much I really do appreciate all she has done over the years for me.

My mom now doesn't really interact with me much when I visit. I would often leave and cry all the way home in my car.  Then 'suck it up' once I got home and continue on with my day.  However, recently I started packing my crocheting in my car to bring with me when I visit.  I get a cup of coffee from the lobby and take it wiht me and sit with my mom at a table and pretend we are in her kitchen.  I crochet and drink my coffee and talk to my mom, whether or not she seems to know what I am saying or not.  I tell her about my kids and grandkids and David.  I show her my crocheting.  I drink my coffee.

I do still cry in my car on the way home but it seems like it isn't as much or for as long.                                                              

Harder Than I Thought

I am finding it much harder than I thought it would be, to write down all of the thoughts that bounce around in my head! I started this blog to be able to keep track of the memories I have about everything my mom told me and of my life with my mom.  I also wanted to add in my own stories so that my grandchildren someday have a place to learn about their great-grandma and their grandma.  I guess in the back of my mind I am just worried that I will also develop Alzheimer's and I will not be able to pass my stories onto my grand kids.

Being remembered by our family is the most important thing we can leave behind. Ironically, I feel I would rather make memories than accumulate 'stuff'.  However, if AD steals my memories, I guess I want them to live on for my family to have. Recently I had a choice to get my engagement ring repaired or to spend the money elsewhere.  I chose to spend the money on trips that can make memories. That's how I roll I guess.

I can't tell you how many times I have started a post and left it to write another one.  I want them to be focused on a topic and when I find that I start babbling,  I stop and start again.  Similar to how I teach my students with their writing. Don't babble.  Well, if I start to babble, feel free please to tell me that I make no sense....leaving me comments will help me become better at what I am doing. For now I am going to take a page so to speak from my Writer's Workshop book on Narrative Writing and begin to break down my topic (watermelon) into seed stories.  Then I believe I will have more focus for you.  

Shopping-Shopping-Shopping!

Today I took my second grandson Back to School Shopping for the first time. While appreciating this milestone day, it brought back memories of all the shopping trips with my mom.  The earliest memory I can recall when I was shopping with my mom was when I was very small.  My mom would always buy her groceries on Fridays.  We would go to the store and then out to lunch for a treat.  I distinctly remember waiting for her to check out at a store that was located in the plaza where Staples now resides in Gardner.  I remember standing in the front of the store while she waited in the check out line.  I would ask anyone I saw if they would like me to sing for them for ten cents!  Some would pay me and I would sing. I don't remember what I sang but I do remember singing and my mother dragging me out of the store!  Wait....I think it was Christmas songs...As I type this I wonder just how much I embarrassed her....or did she think it was funny...I never really knew and I can't ask her now.

Fast forward to about 6 years ago.  I took my mom to the mall for the last time. My mom was officially diagnosed in July of 2006 with AD but it wasn't until probably about 2009 her doctor stopped her from driving.  I remember taking my mom out helping her to shop.  We went to Sears to find a bathing suit to wear in her pool.  I picked out several and brought her into the changing room and then I stepped out.  After all, she was my mom and I really thought she could try on a bathing suit by herself. To my dismay, I gasped when my mom came out of the changing room in her underwear to find me in Sears.  She had no idea that she was in her underwear....she was just looking for me.  I scooted her back in the changing room as fast as possible and grabbed one of the suits to purchase, helped her put her clothes back on, and we hightailed it out of that store.  At first I thought it was embarrassing to me.  Then I cried at home because I was so sad for her.  Then I realized, I just had to laugh. The other day it showed up on my Face book memories and made me laugh.  I wonder what those sales clerks were thinking when my mom was walking around Sears in her underwear.  However, I am sure that I embarrassed my mom, way more than she ever embarrassed me, over the years!

Goodnight Wichita Lineman-RIP

Alzheimer's doesn't care if you are famous.  It doesn't care if you have a lot of money or if you have little money. It truly doesn't matter how old you are. Yesterday's news of Glen Campbell's death due to complications from Alzheimer's Disease brought back so many memories for me to share. Glen Campbell was just one of the many country artists my mom listened to over and over and over. Music plays a huge part in an Alzheimer's patients life. Music is the one thing that my mom truly still enjoys the most to this day! I am blessed to know that she has an iPod with her own music. The staff can put it on for her when she needs to rest or calm down.

In many of my earliest memories, I remember my mom always having music playing in our home.  She and my dad were huge country music fans. Old time country such as Johnny Cash country music. Never a day went by when there wasn't music on in my house. My mom had radios, record players, 8 track players, cassette players, and at the end DVD players. Mom had a couple Glen Campbell records but mostly we listened to him on the various TV shows he was on. Later in life, she would buy every DVD collection she saw on tv!

When I was very young, after moving from PA to MA, my parents built a summer camp at the Templeton Fish and Game Club.  The camp was nothing special and basically a squared building with two bedrooms on one side, and unfinished bathroom, and a great room with a kitchen and living room all in one.  At night I would fall asleep listening to my mom's music as it played on her radio, always a country station.  There were no doors so it was hard not to listen to it.  I think that is when I became a fan of country music. One of my mom's favorite Christmas gifts was a 3 disc DVD player from my Aunt Karen. She had that player playing even up to the time I had to move her to the Alzheimer's Facility.  She didn't really know how to work it but would occasionally turn it on and accidentally it would play her music.

From my experience, if anyone is looking for a place for their loved one due to AD, find a place that has a lot of music.  Find a place where local people come in and sing or play instruments for the patients.  Try to make sure there is an iPod with music on just for your loved one.  My mom doesn't remember the words she wants to say.  She babbles nonsense when she talks to me. However, when she hears her favorite songs, she knows the words and can sing along!!! I watch her tap her feet and bob her head.  We are able to connect through the music and songs that she and I both remember and it makes for a heartwarming visit!

When You Don't Know Where To Start, You Should Start At The Beginning!

The earliest memories about my mom's early life I remember from all of the stories she has told me over the years explain many reasons why I feel even sadder that my mom developed Early On Set Alzheimer's.  My mom was the oldest of her siblings. Her mom, my grandmother Julia, died when my mom was 9 leaving behind one daughter and two sons.  My mom pretty much became the mom of the household at the age of 9.  It always made me feel sad to know that my mom really didn't have a childhood because she was the one to help take care of her little brothers. My mom told me if it wasn't for her grandfather, they would not even have had enough food to eat because her dad had a difficult time with alcohol and often didn't return home after payday. She would tell me that if it wasn't for her grandfather, then later her aunt and uncle, she probably would never have ended up marrying my dad and subsequently having me.  

There was no one to teach my mom how to take care of a house.  She told me stories about how she tried really hard.  One day she was doing the laundry and got her arm stuck in the wringer on the washing machine.  Her grandfather was there to help rescue her. Over the years she often would tell me about how lucky I was that I didn't have to do all of the chores she had to do when she was young.  I am pretty sure I probably rolled my eyes when she said it, but now I truly understand why she never really made me do chores!  I always thought it was because I didn't do them 'right'.  Even though there is some truth to that, I realize now as I tell her story, she didn't want me to feel like she felt all those years ago. My mom wanted me to be a carefree kid! 

Back to today........I am sure my mom would be happy today to know that I did a few chores around my own house. I defrosted my freezer and made sure to dry the inside before turning it back on.  I can still see her making the million trips up and down the stairs with boiling pans of water and for an instant today I could see her using the towels to dry the inside of the freezer before putting everything back inside. Next time I see her, I will tell her about it. She most likely won't even hear what I am saying, or she might not have a clue who I am, but maybe deep down inside her heart she will know.  So I will tell her. 

Welcome To My World! Living Life Without Regrets!

As we get older, we often look back on our life and think about all of the things we truly had wanted to do but just never took the time.  As I write this, I am reminded that the one thing I never did was to write a book.  Maybe I never wrote one because it takes me so long to make a decision about anything small, such as what to have for supper to anything larger, such as what flooring we should put in our kitchen. It has taken me at least an hour to choose the color and scheme for this blog. However, once I make a decision, I do stand by it without regret.  (Well, usually!)

This blog will afford me a way to destress from life's chaos as a wife, mom, grandma, and middle school teacher....but also because I am my mom's only lifeline to her past since she was diagnosed with Early On Set Alzheimer's Disease (AD) in her late 50's/early 60's.  My intent for this blog is to keep myself sane through the final stages of her AD and to put into writing the memories for her to pass down to her future generations, all of whom will not get to hear the stories from her lips. 

It will take me a little while to get the hang of 'blogging' here and I am sure I will need to edit over and over.  This is a new endeavor for me and I hope that I will improve as I share my stories.  I welcome feedback that is constructive and as long as it is, I will let comments be open.  

Thank you for stopping by!  I hope you will return.