April Showers Bring May Flowers

There is a saying that we all learn when we are little.  April showers bring May flowers.  This is how we explain why springtime in April is often rainy. Flowers tend to start to grow and bloom in May because of the good rain they receive in April.

Here is my mom weeding her tulips outside our house in PA.  I am with her of course because where else would I be!  It has always been my mom and me through everything!

Today as I was on the treadmill at the gym looking out the window at the dreary, gray day and the pouring rain, it seemed to make sense to me. I don't want to get all philosophical or metaphorical, but I am going to do so. What happens when the rain finally stops and the sun comes out? We feel (or most people feel) a sense of gratitude for the sun.  We see how beautiful nature is around us.  We no longer have wet, dirty shoes or coats hanging in our hallways. We have a sense of happiness that we didn't have when it was dreary and raining. It's like trading a bad day for a good day. We see everything around us with clear eyes and happiness in our hearts.

As my summer vacation draws to a close and I am getting ready to go back to work, I realize that if I didn't have to end all of the fun and games, I would never really truly appreciate the time off next summer. Thinking about our recent beach vacation, we had a blast!  Everyone seemed to get along.  It seemed like no one really went off much on their own and if anyone did, they returned to the whole family group with the appearance of being glad they were back in the fold.  When looking back at pictures I see family members constantly moving around to visit with everyone else. No one was secluded. If we spent months on vacation together, we would eventually begin to scatter about and the level of closeness would dwindle.  We now have beautiful memories to savor until next summer.  Of course in my mind as I worry about developing the same disease as my mom, I am hoping that my family will have these memories of me if I can't remember them myself.

I realized, as I looked out the window today, that if I never went through all of the times I had to deal with helping my mom navigate through the steps of Alzheimer's, I would not really have appreciated her as I do now.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my mom.  However, I almost broke a promise to my dad and stopped being here for her.  There were times I felt like she was a burden for me and that I shouldn't have made that promise.  It has been really hard over the years. The last time I spoke with my dad, as he was dying from lung cancer, I promised him that I would always take care of my mother.  These words seemed to calm his agitated body and he was able to smile at me one last time though he could not speak.

When I look back on my life, it was the gray, dreary times that have made me a better person, daughter, wife, and mother.  I've been through a lot with my mom. As I tell these stories you will realize it too.  Today though, as crazy as it sounds, I feel like without going through these things, I wouldn't be the person I am today and I wouldn't be enjoying the sunny days when they occur.

I wish this journey on no one and I pray for a cure for this horrible disease.  For now, I have to play the cards I was dealt and deal with it.  I can only hope to help someone else if they have to join me on this journey.