The Owl and the Cardinal Instead

         

In our house it is The Owl and the Cardinal, not The Owl and the Pussycat. This was the first Christmas since my mom passed away.  Knowing she was no longer physically here to be able to visit, made it even more difficult for me. Although 8 months have passed, and given that the pandemic is still holding us all hostage, it still is not an easy one.  Those of you who know me well, know that I believe in the power of cardinals and believe that they are a sign from God and our loved ones.  They have appeared at moments of uncertainty and made me stop and think....and in doing so, think of my family who is watching over me.  My mom loved owls. She collected them from all over and her house was filled with them. Every time I see an owl, I think of her. This was proven to me ironically, on the way from the funeral home to the cemetery as we followed my mom's casket to her final resting place next to my dad and brother. My family saw an owl in a tree along the wooded back roads drive.  We all immediately knew it was a sign that my mom was going to be ok and was watching over us.  After the funeral, we went to a local restaurant for lunch and sure enough, as we walked in the door, we saw tote bags with owls on them. 

Last week during all the stressful chaos of preparing for her family's holiday, my daughter witnessed two owls in trees on her way home from a quick last minute Target pick up run.  Later that day she also witnessed a beautiful cardinal out her window as she and my granddaughter were carrying on the tradition of making cut out sugar cookies.  Because of Covid, I only could attend via facetime but the cardinal helped me to make peace with the fact my mom was there watching over them and joining them in the tradition.  I am betting she was saying things though like, "There are too many sprinkles" or "Don't roll the dough out so thick."  She might have been cringing that the children were allowed to touch the dough....but then again, I would like to think she was realizing that children touching the dough was actually a good thing!  My children have many memories of going to "Ma's" house to make cookies, where my mom wouldn't let any of us touch the dough!  We were allowed to sprinkle sugars on them and bake them, but touch the dough? no one, even me could do it.  We even have a video of my oldest crying on the floor because he couldn't touch the dough and my mom just kept rolling it out and cutting the cookies out.  

One of my best friends gifted me with a tiny Cardinal a couple years ago and it sits on my mom's Christmas Village each holiday season.  I smile every time I unpack it to place it there. I think of not only my friend, Jane, but now my mom each year. It also reminds me of the fact her son beat cancer the year that she gave it to me.  Something that no one should ever have to endure.  Our oldest sons used to be best friends and we spent many years working together at Cub Scouts and PTO. Treasured memories I hope others moms get to experience. 

 A few years ago, my youngest gave me a worry stone with a cardinal painted on it.  I put it in my pocket during days of endless stressful work things when I go to school (bet some people didn't know that one)! It has been with me many times throughout this year.  It was with me many times when I visited my mom. It also made the travels to PA for my mom's funeral.  It has gone with me on vacation.  It goes with me many places. I keep it on top of my bureau ready to put in my pocket.  In fact, it is in my pocket right now. 

One of my most favorite presents this past Christmas was Cardinal Pajamas given to me by my daughter and her family. They were such a thoughtful gift.  I am sure there are many pj's out there that she could have chosen, but to choose ones with Cardinals, and for them to fit me, was just a special gift. 

While I have been missing my mom this holiday and missing family gatherings with my grandkids, I have clung onto the hope that my mom is watching over me.  I am sure she and my dad are have a grand time with all of the family and friends that have passed.  They send us reminders though that they are near.  Over the holiday, we captured pictures of an owl in our backyard at night, facing our house and just sitting on our lawn.  We have had our video camera outside for years and have never captured an owl.  Funny how it showed up now....right when I was missing my mom the most.  Funny how my daughter saw owls and how the cardinal showed up during the cookie making....funny, but is it really? 

As I end this holiday and move into a new year and hopefully a year full of family gatherings again, I would be remiss if I didn't share one of the most special gifts from one of my dearest friends, Jaime. There is a saying that says people come into your life when you need them most.  Jaime came into mine just when I was needing her most.  I had just moved my mom into Quabbin.  She has been my confidant, my advisor, and my best friend.  I will end with this.....the other side of the ornament at the beginning of this post.....a gift that I cried when I opened and I still cry when I see it.......because in my house it is The Owls and the Cardinals........