"I'm a Survivor!"

My mom coins many phrases.  One of them she would say over and over was "Oh dear, bread and beer.  If I were married I wouldn't be here!".  She even had her nurse saying it with her.  Another one was in her own words. She would say, "I don't care.  I'll let Cindy worry about that!" (oh and how true that became.) I won't even go into how many times she would say, "Well, take me out back and shoot me!"  Her latest and most recent, before she stopped really talking with me, was to tell me , "I'm a survior."

As I start writing about topics, I carefully choose, something else usually pops into my head and I realize it has to be put in writing.  Yesterday, I visited my mom after school. When I got there she was eating an ice cream cone and enjoying it in her own little world. I got a cup of coffee and tried to tell her about the start of my new school year.  I told her all about the fact Ryan (her great-grandson) started 2nd grade this week.  I told her how his brother, Hendrik, was at his open house for Kindergarten.  She looked at me a couple of times but continued with her ice cream cone and then the 'twiddle pad' in front of her.  I tried to tell her that I haven't visited much because I have been sick. Eventually, I turned my attention to the other residents in the room and looked around realizing that almost all of the people in the day room were not there when my mom moved in.  My mom has made 'friends' who have come and gone.

I took some time this morning to look through some more pictures to match up with my future posts. My intention was to locate the pictures from Hurricane Agnes as I watch the news of the devastation in Texas from Harvey.  What I realized, as I looked through more pictures, is that my mom is truly a survivor.
There are pictures of her with lifelong friends. Friends whom are no longer with us here on earth.  There are pictures of difficult times that she lived through. There are pictures that remind me of how she struggled to give me the best of everything.  There are pictures of her, before this terrible disease changed the relationship she had with so many people.

Recently I met with her Care Team.  One of the comments that the director of the facility said was, "I don't know how she is still walking around!"  She had found my mom sleeping standing up while leaning on the end of the bed. At one time she wasn't eating or drinking. I received the phone call that she was going to be placed in hospice.  We discussed end of life care.  I cried everytime I got in the shower so no one could hear.  That was over a year ago. My mom has now started to eat more and drink more. Her physical heatlh is good, it's just her brain that is not. While she didn't understand what I was telling her yesterday, one thing is true. I do understand that with this disease all bets are off and she could decline at any moment....but for now......my mom is a survivor.  She most definitely is!